one big heart

.gettin old.

2010-01-20T10:50:00.003+08:00

"A birthday is a time to reflect on the year gone by, but to also set your goals for the upcoming year."
Catherine Pulsifer

yesterday,was my 23rd bday.the feeling was not the same as i used to feel a fe years back. ill be waiting for the day and wished that people celebrated it. for me, that day is the day for celebration.the day to be thankful to be part of person's life.

however, yesterday i was numb. the feeling was unbearrable. i wished that day wasnt meant to be mine.its undescribable.dark and full of misery. kisah hati sukar dimengerti..but the day ended with colors and happiness. my peeps were there to ease the pain. glad they were there for me..me love you..and thanks tqvm!!:))) . and i know he is there too..and i do love you to..svm.

the wisdom words above; tells me that there is never too late to make changes. i wanna make a difference and i can sure you that its worth it to wait for..

.no title.

2009-12-30T20:11:00.002+08:00

juadah yang enak dijamu
katil yang empuk buat beradu
tawa rakan hilangkan rindu

tapi
hati aku masih pedih ditusuk sembilu..
amat pedih.

.how dare you?!.

2009-12-19T01:43:00.003+08:00

what is one thing that you cant live without?

have you ever thought of it? please, drop me an answer.i bet you might be shocked of your own choice.i have never thought about it before.i mean, not seriously.

as you get older and wiser, you'll find out that there are so much to learn. almost everything.and that everything will have so much in contact with you till you cant get out of it. before you know it, you are actually getting attached to that everything and at last you cant live without it.

it triggers me to believe on two most important things in my life which can kills me in anyway that people can be killed.

they are L.O.V.E and F.A.M.I.L.Y

do you know how vulnerable those things can be? and because of that we are very engaged to them our whole life. i refuse to answer my question above.cause i know that it is not one thing but they are two things; the only things that i cant live without. go to h*** with those lunatic + brainless people who were so shallow to appreciate how priceless those things can be! you are heartless!

believe it or not, those two words are entangled;need one and another;meaningless if being broken.please, i beg you. dont you ever ever lost faith on L.O.V.E and your own F.A.M.I.L.Y cause i can sure you that your life would certainly be up side-down.
the you'll know berape tinggi langit tue. (geram amat sangat)

p/s: penulis terkesan dengan tindakan saudara yang membelakangkan keluarga demi kebahagiaan rumah tangga.tindakan mereka mengundang malapetaka keluarga sudah pasti.
saya tidak suka. amat tak boleh terima.

.from yikes to yeay!!.

2009-12-17T23:17:00.006+08:00

yeay!! the goal medal is definitely the perfect way to end year 2oo9.

at last. after 20 sole years, waiting patiently for some and criticizing all the way through for most, it is a reward for Malaysia's national football team to kick Vietnam's a** for the goal medal in the Sea Games. though im not the kind of gurl who would eat and sleep with football,just yet, but i felt grateful and proud to be part of it.its like the spirit and soul of winning mix with hope and dream of every single Malaysian.
TWO THUMBS UP!!

people are talking about it.and soon it'll be the benchmark for the team to carve more sweet moments like we used to have.hopefully.=)

Malaysia's football team was drowning, before.people were talking here and there.making comparisons and what not.begins with the conspiracy,discipline till the achievements itself were all chocked. myself also fall for it.afraid of losing again and again.

but people still go to mamak stall to support the team no matter what the result would be..cause bola sepak dekat di hati. i dont have to say it. you'll know yourself how football can drive you crazy like hell.

Malaysia people, may the victory will always with us.

HIDUP BOLA SEPAK!!

.if only you know.

2009-12-17T20:17:00.004+08:00

duduk termangu di birai jendela

aku terbuai bingkisan kisah kita

dirobek dan dicarik kesal tidak bertepi

aku terlentok berjuraian sendiri

patah kerana terpisah

basah keluh kesah

jiwa kosong bak patung

berteriak mohon tolong

bisakah?

.a new day for me and you.

2009-12-17T20:03:00.003+08:00

SALAM MAAL HIJRAH 1431

a new day opens up to a new me, hopefully.

may Allah bless us in every step all the way.

;)

.jadi selebriti boleh mati.

2009-12-17T16:50:00.003+08:00

siapa yang tidak kenal dengan wajah kacak (bagi saya) di atas? Remy Ishak bukan nama asing lagi. semenjak namanya menjadi topik bualan hangat media dan peminat fanatik hampir gila kisah Nur Kasih di tv3 dan wataknya sebagai Mansor Adabi dalam teater Natrah, Remy Ishak bukan 'manusia biasa' lagi. saya dengar dengar beliau sudah diangkat sebagai hero malaya menggantikan Rosyam Nor.waduh..waduh..hebat sungguh penangannya!

memang seronok jadi selebriti kan? baru setahun jagung,sudah terkenal;nama mula mendapat tempat, tawaran berlakon sekejap je dapat.mungkin sebab itu, ramai yang mahu jadi artis. termasuklah kawan kawan penulis (nama anda kekal rahsia).tapi benarkah hidup jadi artis ini sadis?

hampir setiap hari, penulis dan anda semua disaji dengan kisah kurang enak golongan artis; artis kene tipu, artis bercerai, artis mangsa video lucah etc..etc..
dan Remy Ishak tidak terlepas. baru baru ini peminat fanatik Remy dan tidak fanatik juga dikejutkan dengan berita beliau dibelasah beberapa lelaki di hadapan IB selepas teater Natrah.

malang kan? hanya gara gara gosip beliau bercintan dengan Ummi Nazeera,(penulis agak pasti bukan gosip semata) akhirnya lebam biji mata. kan penulis dah kata, jadi selebriti boleh mati! nasib baik cedera ringan sahaja.

IB pun sudah mula berjaga jaga. nak perketatkan kawalan keselamatan, bimbang pisang berbuah dua kali.ini mesti sebab yang dibelasah tu Remy Ishak, cuba kalau Ahmad mat kilang atau Ah Teong jual sayur yang kene belasah, agak agak nya IB terkesan ke? penulis, jangan hentam keromo ye.

tapi jadi selebriti buat money.

2009-12-17T16:08:00.002+08:00

bagos farhana (sambil menepuk bahu kiri dengan tangan kanan)

kamu sudah berjaya menulis entri paling banyak pada bulan December jika nak di bandingkan dengan bulan-bulan sebelumnya.

dimana ada kemahuan, di situ ada jalan. senyum bangga~

.lets rethink.

2009-12-16T20:24:00.005+08:00

"you cant change the past,but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future"

i was just goggled and i found the quote.no idea who wrote it but it is meaningful and inspirational. at least, for me.i always love to talk about time. how time affects us and how we are affected by time. it all make sense if we sit and think deeply, and i mean very deep to just browse back to what have happen for the past years...

truthfully,i have some regrets. if i have the chance; just one more chance, i wanna go back to those years and alter or adjust a few events.make it better.and my life would be as i want it to be. would it be? no one knows. to cease my pain, i always said to myself: nak wat camna, dah takdir.

cause most of us would believe, if we can control the past, we could control the present and also the future. most of us including myself, would feel sorry for what happened. but the truth is, no one to blame.it is now and here, are the things to worry. the decisions we made today will pay the consequences for tomorrow.

i'll graduated soon, hopefully.i couldn't get out of my mind thinking and worrying of what are in store for me in future.i would say that its the same dilemma faced by new product like us.sigh~ and we will plan, discuss and argue; feel full of anxiety and uneasy of what would happen to us anytime soon.

but now,i have stop.i know because i believe that the things that i have achieved in present will lead me through. so do you. for better or for worse, i should have no regrets. i have made my decisions, and i will bare the consequences.full stop.

p/s: lets go with flow, follow me :)

.cetusan.

2009-12-16T20:09:00.003+08:00

di balik tingkap bilik rona hijau muda
titis hujan lebat semakin berlabuh
dingin sudah tidak lagi aku terasa

tapi entah mengapa
jiwa pula berantakan, hati juga tidak keruan
aku mahukan jawapan
namun aku tidak tahu apa soalan.

tolong!!

.just another episode in life.

2009-12-16T00:06:00.008+08:00

i have never heard from him since we were in high school.i browsed in his FB and he was still the same guy i used to know. poyo third degree.

then, out of the blue he buzzed me.through FB chatroom.cliche as usual..

ko pekaba?
studi kat mana skrg?
bila nak kawin nie?
and
bla
bla
bla

the conversation was heated when he unravel his deep feelings.disappointment, anger, frustration; all stir into one unstable dough since two years ago.it was all because of a woman.truthfully. im not good in dealing with emotions, myself, but it touched me when i used to know a person who used to stand on the same road as his three years ago.

from that person's point of view, i tried to you know..say all that stuff. not just to please him but more or less, to let him know and wonder the hidden agendas behind of these unwanted events in life.yes.we have been good to people. and of course, we want them to be worthwhile.but things can get out of hand.as HIS creation, there is nothing we can do to stop.

we had a nice chat. but because i was too clumsy, i accidentally offline.above all that i was glad.definitely, not because i became a love counselor. but, it has never crossed my mind that he would trust me to share everything and anything. i was not his so called BFF or whatever.. but still, i feel awesome.

hey dude,u can find any chick u want in pasar tani. but REAL chick, with REAL attitude is rare but possible.

hey dude, all the best!!

.i hate mr net.

2009-12-14T21:35:00.005+08:00

tired and sleepy are my two favorite words for the day.

since back from medan selera,i've nothing to do.lepaking in front the tv and lean on our best couch.ahh..how nice to be at home.mama should feel far more relief.i guess..as mama was the busiest person in town ;p (kesian mama)
then i saw a small light bulb over my head :

hmm bagus gak kalo tdo nie..

but nope. that was definitely not the first thing i did. instead i went for the mr net. but why should i? and how can it be? no one can answer me? look!! a question that can never been answered. how awful and destructive mr net can be to human being? and there was i, stuck in front of my lappy til 530pm.

and now.at this very fine moment. i am so damn tired and sleepy.shockingly i am still facing damn mr net.

p/s: im so not me.

.oh boy.

2009-12-14T00:22:00.004+08:00

hold back all the tears
and left behind the cheers
together with me all my peers
need you to burn the fierce

body and soul together as one
killing you is all i want
you should know what you've done
as you'll see all the sign

oh boy you such a waste
wanna mash you like tomato paste
till no one wanna have a taste
or ever wanna chase

.chef of the day.

2009-12-13T20:11:00.013+08:00

terngiang-ngiang suara mama mengingatkan aku untuk masak lunch nanti.

mama: along, keluarkan udang dari peti ais. masakla pape along suka. masa nie la nak tunjuk kehebatan. hehe

aku: hmm..

pujian mama tak terkesan di hati aku. sehingga jam 1230 pm aku masih berpeleseran di depan tv. tergolek-golek ke sana sini. dari kejauhan, pasti baba memandang aku tajam. perut berkeroncong. ketiadaan mama ke medan selera buat aku tidak senang duduk.bukan sebab aku nak ikut mama tapi sebab kene ke dapur. jadi wanita.. aduhh malas betul..

entah di mana datang tenaga.aku bangun dah gigihkan juga.kupas 2 biji bawang besar,3 ulas bawang putih,dan terkial-kial mencubit sedikit belacan. hmm pasti enak; terdetik aku sendiri. tidak semena-mena mama tiba di balik pintu dapur.

mama: hmm wanginya..(sambil tersenyum..)

pujian mama betul-betul terkesan. hati berbunga..

p/s: setinggi-tinggi wanita melangkah, akhirnya dapur juga tempatnya..=p

.mogok!!.

2009-12-13T00:57:00.009+08:00

since yesterday, baba told me his wish to go for a walk at wangsa walk.from the day it was opened he had no chance to have a look. me too. so baba drove there, along with five of us (pity yah.. ahaks~)

seeing is believing. huge name, rumors here and there. definitely hopeless. thought that it would be a place for shopping spree and chill place for hand out. but hampeh..

things i spot on:

1. just like its name; wangsa walk. people just walk here and there. nothing to buy. nothing to eat.

2. no big names for restaurants..the worst is there are only a few seats available. they might think people like to stand while eating. what a waste..

3. until today, there is no tgv and boiling.hello??!! people wanna go there just for them

4. it is no fun at all.

lets mogok wangsa walk.

.sang pencinta.

2009-12-12T04:29:00.009+08:00

aku terpanggil untuk menukil secebis rasa hati setelah terbaca beberapa entri daripada kak diyana dalam sanggar debat.bermakna dan cukup terkesan di hati.rata-rata semuanya angkara debat dan pencintanya. saya pasti ada antara kita tertanya dan meneka. mengapa saya menagihnya? apa penangannya?

mereka pernah mengasak.bertanya mengapa.tapi saya tidak pernah sekali tidak membelanya.mereka tidak tahu kerana mereka tidak pernah merasa.ia seperti cinta yang kamu mahu atau sedang rasai kini.tidak pernah ada paksa dan deritanya buat kamu mahu lagi. mungkin saya tidak seperti pencinta lain. yang bercinta sepenuh hati; jiwa dan raga.yang sentiasa ada bila perlu. yang tidak berhenti mencuba; perbaiki diri sang pencinta.

dunia ini buat saya terkadang lena sendiri.saya tidak mahu dibalut resah. diulit rasa bersalah. pada diri dan pada universiti yang saya wakili.masa bukan penghalang lagi. saya mahu mereka tahu; pada yang menilai dan memerhati.saya akan berusaha jagi pencinta abadi.yang jatuh bangun sendiri.

biar mereka mencela.tidak mengapa.walau saya tidak mungkin jadi seperti pencinta lain yang telah mengukir kisah cinta debat terulung, tidak ada salahnya.asal saya tahu saya masih ada waktu.untuk mengukir kisah cinta debat 'terulung' buat diri bilamana masa menjemput saya pergi.

.penat menunggu.

2009-12-11T11:58:00.002+08:00

uish. penat je menunggu. aku dah beria susun ayat best punya
kalau terserempak ngan dia. cis rupanya baru aku tahu dia ke seminar.

hmm.kau buat aku gile..oh gigi besi..

.di awangan.

2009-12-10T23:32:00.005+08:00

maaf kalau entri kali ini kedengaran sangat cheesy. tapi aku tidak kesah itu semua. kerna, aku mahu kamu tahu apa aku rasa.

perasaan ini buat aku bertanya lagi. walau jawapannya sudah pasti.aku bukan mahu meneka dan menduga apa ada dalam hatinya.aku tahu bukan mudah untuk memilih. apatah lagi untuk buat satu keputusan yang mungkin akan disesalkan. tapi aku sedar, dia bukan takut. atau tidak bersedia. cuma itulah dirinya.

aku akan disini.walau dilambung ombak.walau dihempas pantai. moga Tuhan akan sentiasa buka hati kamu hanya untuk aku.

p/s: aku terbang di awangan.

2009-12-10T15:05:00.004+08:00

having news from some,
wanting badly to move forward,
waiting for the day to come,
dearie, you're not a coward.

.have a drink!.

2009-12-10T01:05:00.001+08:00

if you're thirsty, lets have a drink.

p/s: iklan air botol. cheesy.

.aku akan tetap menunggu.

2009-12-10T00:52:00.005+08:00

akhirnya..
perjuangan di UM terhenti setakat di quarter final. hmm rupanya mimpi aku untuk berdebat di pentas final hanya fantasi yang aku reka sendiri untuk jadi penguat semangat.
tapi xpe, aku yakin generasi baru UiTM akan menjadikan mimpi aku satu reliti satu hari nanti. aku akan setia menunggu..wink~

di sebalik penganjuran UM yang laha.. hehehe.aku rasa sgt seronok sbb:

1. ni ialah last royal aku.dan aku dapat merasa manisnya bersama semua. suka dan duka dirasai bersama

2. aku dapat bersama si dia dan keluarga baru UTM. heehee.

3. makin cinta pada dunia ini. cinta dan rasa di UM semua bergaul menjadi satu. debaran,kebanggaan, tangisan, dan segalanya.. walauapapun, ia kenangan paling indah buat aku..

p/s: tiada apa untuk disesalkan..

.sshhhh.

2009-11-08T18:49:00.004+08:00

this is definitely what i wanna do all day long..

me feel so sleepy but yet still look adorable..=)

.what a night?.

2009-11-08T17:58:00.007+08:00

i had the best nite with my gurls last saturday. we had plan for this day and it was PERFECT..

~ luv hanna, naps, lyana n kak mya too..

and to make it A Night to Remember was bcause of HIM.. ohh, FAQIR im falling for you....

p/s: u have tp watch the new movie by Bernard Chaulay..

and u'll know what i mean..=)

.a song with no rhyme.

2009-11-02T21:21:00.006+08:00

i used to adore

the song u sang freely

though you stand outside the door

the melody will touch me

craving of yesteryears

as your songs were lost

i am not the first

that love has been toasted

p/s: feel like eating bread toast =)

.no title.

2009-11-02T20:58:00.002+08:00

i celebrated the month of november 2009 with sorrow and somber. i was almost give up with evrything. i just tired with all these nonsense - feelings and emotions will have no room and space anymore. it times to be rational and logic. but does it pay for everything? or will it cause for something?

at the end of the day, i just knew that it had caused me tonnes of tears. i wish that my rationality would bring me back to where i came from. to be as tough as i can be, to be as brave as i should be. but i was not perfect. i am just human. a woman who has to consider my own instict and guts that will teld me what i should do and why. at last, i have to give way to my own feelings.. owh..how hopeless i am..?

p/s: it is difficult to find love. but its more difficult to love.

.cut the crap.

2009-10-15T17:32:00.006+08:00

it has been almost a week since i got back from shah alam. i promised myself to finish chapter 2 in two weeks time as told by Dr Z. but till now, i just wrote a few. i dont want her to get upset or angry towards me.well i have been missing in action for a very long time..hee. sorry Dr Z.

actually i have my own mission. instead of waiting for my debate practice early next month, i thought of working and earn some money of my own. it seems like it will not going to work after all. the tuition centre that i was supposed to work for inform me that i could only start in Disember. impossible to get it through as i would be starting my last semester. so i thought of just be at home. helping mama with the house chores. and i beg my sister to help mama at stall. hehehe.

i have nothing to do at home. after finished washing the dishes (the periuk and mangkuk that mama used to cook nasi lemak and kueh), sweep the floor and vacuum the carpets, my another daily routine would be watching all over again indon sinetron that i love the most.. Intan at @ 15. hehehe. (couldnt help it). i am so bored. to ease the pain i should have started with the chap 2 rite? thought so.

and i should stop blogging and facebooking cause the real cause im at the cc was to find the info for ae.

so cut the crap.

.ada aku kisah.

2009-10-09T02:55:00.007+08:00

hati kecil berkata:

ada aku kisah kalau ko kutuk, benci atau meluat tgk badan aku yang gemuk nie!!! bumi nie takkan jadi lebih baik kalau manusia gemuk dihapuskan..

tapi bumi akan jadi lebih baik kalau orang macam kau dan kau dan kau berhenti mengutuk, membenci dan meluat dengan manusia gemuk..

ada aku kisah..

p/s: hati kecil semakin kecil dengan kata-kata orang!!

.love you or i love you not.

2009-10-09T02:20:00.007+08:00

i sit on the floor
and i can see he walks so slow
with his face that glow
together with sorrow

i wanna close my eyes tight
and not to sit by your side
cause when i see u at night
i can feel your bite

i really wanna cry
cause i hate being fry
please tell me why
cause i cannot say goodbye

i hate you but i love you more..

p/s: aku tengah bengang.

.when it strikes back.

2009-10-08T12:08:00.007+08:00

people are talking here and there about how bad and terrible the earth quake that has happened a few days ago in Padang. not to forget the flood which hit Philippines. malaysians feel so sorry for what has happened and we helped them in any ways that people can be helped. the survivors are trying to accept and console themselves for their lost. and at the same time they have to keep on searching for ways to start a new life that will definitely be tough. yup, time flies and one day they would be able to rise. like what is happening in Acheh rite?

but people are also talking here and there about malaysia and indonesia. the accusing part, the marah-marah part between both countries... (i know you know what i know) perhaps people might also think that everything happens for a reason. whether its a bala, or one of mother nature's reminder, no one knows. but the truth lies out there.

as usual ..
people are talking here and there about how thankful we are to be in Malaysia. some people might be affected by the disaster. and we have no room not to be afraid. but you know, nothing is impossible. apart from worrying or hoping that everything that will be fine, lets cherish and share what we have. as a Muslim, we believe that Allah the Almighty will always be with us. just obey and abide the rules. thats it. and InsyaAllah everything will be okay. as a person and a human being, just appreciate what we have~family, friends, neighbors, health, environment etc. take good care of all that. love them..

because we never know when the 'quake' strikes back..

p/s: doakan yang terbaik buat mereka .

.aidil dan fitri.

2009-10-08T11:27:00.012+08:00

sudah lama aku menuggu,
akhirnya kau tiba tanpa ku seru.

buat semua...

bulan ramadhan melambai pergi,
syawal menjelang menceria suasana,
ampun dan maaf dari hati,
aku manusia bukan sempurna.

anugerah Illahi kita syukuri,
masa kan datang menjemput nanti.

kalian semua,
ni bukan sahaja masa untuk bersuka ria atau mengumpul duit raya atau melantak tak ingat dunia.. TAPI masa untuk menilai hati, menginsafi diri, dan memaafi sesama insani.

p/s: pesan untuk mengingatkan anda dan diri sendiri.

.s.o.r.r.y.

2009-10-07T13:33:00.005+08:00

ALERT!!!!

sorry to everyone who has viewed my blog.. i do not have the tyme to update new stories about me and my life.. but not to worry, i'll do it as soon as everythin is settle.. hehhe quite buzy!!

till then.

c u soonn..

p/s: i miss u..

2009-08-18T14:09:00.008+08:00

WOULD ANYONE NOTICE
'Pamela Loftis'

to someone i love so much...

If tommorow comes and the coffee isn't made,would anyone notice that I wasn't here.

If you go to get a shirt and find it isn't clean,would you just think that I was being mean?Would you check out the window to see if my car was here,or would you just think that I was somewhere near?

And when dinner was not on time,would you look for me to tell me, you just committed a crime!And when you had to cook for yourself,would you wonder why she's not on time.

And when the phone rings to talk to momma, would you wonder why she didn't answer,or would you just blame her for yet another crime?When night comes, would you say a prayer,or would you just lie there and stare.

Then the next day comes and you find I'm still not here, would you shed a tear?Would you ask yourself, maybe I should have called her more.Or would you just say, she's probably at the store.

And when you finally see that I'm gone for good,would you miss me or wonder why I left?Nobody ever notices, until it's too latethen it's the tears that make you hurt so bad.For you knew this day would come,yet you never prepared.

You say that she knew I loved her,but did she really?Did you pick up the phone when she needed you,or were you just too busy to listen to her pain?

Were you ever proud of her,did you tell her?Or did you say, she knew I loved her.Did you ever call to say how's your day mom?Do you question now,what could I have done to make her feel better?

Took her out somewhere nice or brought her a flowerjust to show her that you love her.

And be a better husband and listen to her more.

Now it's too late, but you have one more chance....
now you can send her flowers and they can sit on her grave,
she won't get to smell them or find a pretty vase yet it may make you feel better.

You see she was always there, to listen,to care and to love with her whole Heart.

And she will leave you all with that,she left here with footsteps on her Heart.

p/s: wahai adam..hargailah hawamu..

.happiness.

2009-08-06T09:47:00.011+08:00

'..happiness is not a destination.. happiness is a journey..'

dear diary..

do you know how hard it is to be happy? real happiness cant be seen through naked eyes. cant be listen with laughter and giggles. happiness comes within you and only you can feel it.

dear diary..

if only you know how 'happy' i am right now...

p/s: somewhere not here.

.aku gigit jari.

2009-08-06T09:47:00.005+08:00

innalillah..

masuk hari nie dah 13 kematian dicatatkan sebab H1N1..

hampir setiap hari angka kematian semakin meningkat kan..

aku gigit jari..TAKUT!!

p/s: bila tiba hal macam nie, baru sibuk nak mengira amalan baik..dah cukupkah?kalau amalan buruk, aku pasti mesti terlebih dari cukup..=(

.malam yang hening.

2009-08-04T08:13:00.006+08:00

malam-malam aku hening..sunyi sepi..tak seperti dulu lagi..

kamu tahu,
aku harap satu hari nanti aku boleh terbang .. tinggi sangat.. biar aku dapat tengok dia..

kamu tahu,
hujan sentiasa membasahi aku.tidur malam tentu tak lena. terkenang apa khabar dia di sana..aduhh sakitnyaa.. betul kata orang, kalau berkasih cubit peha kanan peha kiri pun terasa jua..

kamu tahu,
aku tidak mampu menebak sesuatu kerana Dia lebih tahu..namun,setiap hari aku pasti tidak lupa panjatkan doa.. biar dia sentiasa dirahmati Yang Maha Esa..

malam-malam aku hening..sunyi sepi..tak seperti dulu lagi..

p/s: kini, malam-malam aku tidak hening lagi..tenang mensyukuri..tak seperti dulu lagi..

.bulan jatuh ke riba.

2009-08-04T08:05:00.002+08:00

yahooo..

dapat internet di sekolah...boleh la menyelesaikan sgala masalah yg tergendala..

hehhehe

bagai bulan jatuh ke riba..

p/s: sorry. dah lama sgt tak update blog..

.roses.

2009-06-12T23:18:00.005+08:00

Love Not Like A Rose

The rose

Is the symbol Of love,

But that doesn't Make sense To me, now.

Yes, love, Like a rose, Is beautiful, And love, Like a thorn, Hurts.

My love for you is unconditional, Unlike a rose

That wilts under any stress.

My love for you is forever, Unlike a rose

That withers after a short while.

I will give you This rose, But I will tell you My love for you Is love

Not like a rose.

~stephen carey~

p/s: untuk kamu di sana.

.mode kecewa.

2009-06-12T19:16:00.004+08:00

apa nak buat dengan tanggapan orang?

pekakkan telinga, butakan mata, bisukan suara..

oh TIDAKKK!!!!

AKU BUKAN BERSUARA LELAKI.

P/S: TOLONGLAHHHH!!!!!

.issue in education.

2009-06-11T12:03:00.009+08:00

we heard positive and negative comments from the public about the issue of changing the english language subject as a compulsary subject that must be passed besides bahasa malaysia subject in order for spm students to get their exam certificate.

some say;

1. the implementation would be a better way to increase students proficiency to be compared to ETEMS
2. the implemention would rather decease the students ability in rural areas due to insufficient resources such as computer and internet.
3. the implementation must outline that students must achieve far better in bahasa malaysia subject

things change whether we like it or not. as for me, our education need changes and transformation in order to help our students to achieve certain standard and to be competent to face the real world. currently, spm students only have to pass bahasa malaysia in order ot get the spm certificate despite of any failure in oany other subjects. i believe that we should be more firm and focus in what we wnat them to achieve at the end.

yes, we cannot negotiate the fact that bahasa will always be our strength and there is no way that subject should be altered and taken out from the system. i just think that if we agrre to implement it, students have to bare in mind that they must be good in bahasa also far better that english. for sure we do not want to be labelled as 'kera di hutan di susukan, anak di rumah mati kelaparan' - in the sense of both subjects.

the issue of those students who live in rural areas; i believe need further discussion and negotiation. i believe that we want to make sure that all students are well educated and get the same opprtunity to success. we must not take for the granted their abilities and desire to learn and dream big. there must be a fair and clear standard where all students; regardless of where they live, the color of their skin, their religion or race will never disgrace them from succeed.

for the issue of ETEMS, until now people are still arguing and criticizing it. whatever it is, just pelase do not jeopardise the future o our own children that strive for their best just to pleased those people who are responsible for all this.

other than that, thank you.=)

p/s: sudah kering idea.

.aku bukan aku.

2009-06-02T17:46:00.005+08:00

kamu harus tahu,

hari ini aku tidak lagi melihat dunia dan diri aku seperti aku lihat sebelum ini. kini, semua sudah berubah. langit tidak lagi sebiru dan sejernih air laut. pohon tidak lagi sehijau warna daun. makanan yang aku suap ke mulut tidak lagi selazat dahulu. dan aku bukan lagi diri ku.

semenjak aku berkampung di fakulti untuk praktikum yang hanya tinggal lagi dua minggu, hati aku kacau bilau fikiran aku terbang melayang. aku berpikir pikir siang dan malam, mendiskusikan perkara yang sama berulang kali bersama teman seperjuangan, apakah kami sudah bersedia.

hmm, kalau ditanya mereka yang sudah lama melaluinya pasti mereka juga berkata yang mereka belum bersedia semenjak kali pertama menjejakkan kaki ke sana. tapi tidak ada siapa pun yang betul-betul bersedia untuk menjalani sesuatu yang baru dalam hidup.

kamu tahu tak,

kalau aku diberi peluang aku mahu lari jauh-jauh, terbang setinggi yang boleh dan menjerit sekuat hati..aarrrrggghhhhh, mengapa masanya sudah tiba? aku cuba mempersiapkan diri aku untuk sebarang kemungkinan yang mugkin berlaku. demi Tuhan, aku sangat takut. tetapi, kalau ada orang yang berjaya melaluinya dan tidak mati dengan kerenah gila mereka, pasti aku juga boleh bukan?

ya, aku boleh. kamu jua. semua akan okay kan? ya, semua akan okay. aku doakan kamu, teman.yang pasti aku tidak boleh jadi aku. masanya sudah tiba. aku jangan menoleh lagi.

p/s: monolog untuk kamu.

2009-06-02T17:35:00.003+08:00

im sad + im crying + im worried = im not my self.

p/s: kamu, mesti kuat. saya ada.

.aku dan kamu.

2009-05-25T13:22:00.003+08:00

aku teringat kamu. ya kamu. rakan aku. sahabat aku. teman aku. penghilang duka aku. peneman aku. peluk aku bila aku perlu kamu. bimbit tangan aku bila takut melintas jalan. nyanyi bersama bila aku kecewa. pinjamkan duit bila aku tiada. belanja makan bila aku berjaya. dan ketawa dengar aku bercerita.

aku teringat kamu. ya kamu. rakan aku. sahabat aku. teman aku. tapi kamu perosak hubungan aku dan dia. kamu kutuk aku di belakang mereka. kamu benci bila aku dapat markat tinggi. malukan aku di depan guru.marah bila aku minta tolong. buat tak tahu bila aku perlu kamu. dan lupa ada kawan seperti aku.

kamu pula kawan yang bagaimana?

p/s: teringat kawan-kawan lama. kenangan terindah. TERIMA KASIH SEMUA.

.SORRY and LOVE.

2009-05-25T12:50:00.005+08:00

friends,

this case might be one of random cases. people have issue with themselves. people can always say sweet and romantic phrases or words to their kekasih hati or intan payung...

i love you always. i miss you now and forever. i will be beside you for better or worse.

but,

it is very hard to said those words to the people who have a special place in their heart~to mom, dad, or siblings. they know that they love them so much, miss them, and will be their backbone forever but it is very hard to utter all the words. do not know why..

people, we can never stop making mistakes. and the worst part is we can never stop making mistake to those people who we love so very much. we admit the mistake. promise not to do it again. but yet before you aware of it, you are doing it again.

you know, some people are ashamed of themselves. to say the words SORRY. its like the hardest thing on planet. why is that?

we can never stop learning. learning of who we are. i do not know who i am till now. do you? but i can say that the best way to learn who we are is when we know how to say we LOVE and SORRY to the people that have taught you the meaning of life.

p/s: memaafkan diri sendiri dengan cara memaafkan orang lain.

.heart bleeding.

2009-05-25T12:31:00.004+08:00

heart bleeding

it's sorrow. it's grief

it's pain. it's hurt

it's visible yet unexplained

heart bleeding

free me from the unwanted

only one warrior

and its' YOU.

p/s: first attempt.

.dunia baru aku.

2009-05-25T11:36:00.002+08:00

siapa kata kita cuma ada satu dunia?

saya kata kita punya banyak dunia; dunia dalam dunia. aku sudah berjalan merentas beberapa dunia setakat ini.begitu juga kamu.semalam sebelum senja, aku merentas satu lagu dunia. dunia yang bakal aku tempuh lagi dua minggu.aduhh..

DUNIA SEORANG GURU.

bagaimana agaknya ya? aku di mata mereka. lagak aku dan rakan-rakan sewaktu mentertawakan guru-guru aku semasa di bangku sekolah dahulu seakan-akan menari-nari di depan mata aku. hmm, inilah akibatnya. padan muka aku.

yang pasti, dunia baru aku nanti pasti jadi pengalaman yang tidak mungkin luput dari ingatan

p/s: random post. sudah lama tidak menulis. rasa cacamarba.gundah gulana.

.loneliness.

2009-05-03T01:12:00.010+08:00

loneliness..

such feeling has encountered many hearts. people may or may not admit the feeling of loneliness. it is sorrow, gloomy and mystery.only hearts know how to interpret it. words also cannot describe the pain of being lonely.hmm, you know most of my friends have told me..

'mak, aku sunyila... aku perlu seseorang'

for young adults..

we cannot deny the fact that we want to be love. and the need to love someone. biological of human development research also shows that this is the time for girls and boys to search for their love ones. and create their love story. the failure of meeting someone special and compatible, trigger negative vibes to others who succeed of searching for their so called soulmate. and just for that, we grow the feeling of being lonely. the undescribable feeling..

yeap. i know, the feeling can derive from hopes, dreams, wishes and desires that drives someone to be closed to a person. whoever the lucky person will be, he or she is the person that has a special place in our heart. whether we are grieving over a dead body of our loved ones or mourning over the absence of a significant soul in our life he or she would totally make a different to our emotions and thoughts of how we perceive ourselves and the world..

sometimes..

we do not need anyone to replace the feeling of being lonely.

sometimes..

it happens just like that. i do not know whether others feel the same way as i am. but at times, though i have people i really love and care beside me everytime i need them, i could not bare the inner side of me that feel the sense of loneliness far from at bottom of my heart. i do not know what to do and how to make it go? but i know just one thing that praying to Allah, may the feeling go far away..and left me alone.and cry as much as i want.

no one in the world would want to be lonely. just think of thousands of orphans and the elderly, on how loneliness they feel right now? without someone to be love. or someone to talk with. who accept them for who they are. yeap, no one wants to be lonely. but believe me, how hard we try to avoid the feeling, at some point of life, you will feel and experience the most terrible poverty which is loneliness..

for me,

when i swim deeply into my heart i discover the feeling of loneliness inside of me. but i do not know how to describe it. i still lead my life as i always do; with laughter and sadness..

only God knows why..

p/s: adakah anda sunyi seperti saya...?

.snowman is dying.

2009-05-01T19:27:00.006+08:00

ALERT!!!

FINAL PAPER IS APPROACHING!!!

date: 2 may 2009

time: 9.00 am - 12.00 pm

mode: im half dead!!!

doakan saya ya.

ALLAH permudahkan lah segalanya ya.

MALAYSIA BOLEH, SAYA PUN BOLEH!!!

.haikuku.

2009-05-01T01:47:00.004+08:00

HAIKU;

merupakan satu jenis sajak dari negara matahari terbit, Jepun.

ia ditandai dengan 5 sukukata pada baris pertama,

7 sukukata pada baris kedua, dan

5 sukukata pada baris ketiga.

penulisan haiku di tebak dengan syarat-syarat tertentu,

namun

bagi penulis bebas, haiku boleh di gambarkan mengikut

citarasa masing-masing.

maka,

sebagai seorang penulis haiku bebas

berikut adalah haiku nukilan saya.

angin semalam
menggigit kenangan ku
dalam igauan

jauh meninjau
menjengah pekat malam
teriak jiwa

suara sendu
merangkul lemas batin
seksa meragut

wira berdiri
perkasa sanubari
tugu sejati

p/s: saya budak baru belajar.

.mari berpantun.

2009-04-30T02:20:00.005+08:00

Bunga ku tumbuh indah melata,
Sekali di pandang cantik berseri,
Jangan asyik bermain kata,
Nanti padah menimpa diri.

~ peringatan buat buaya-buaya darat di luar sana.pandai betul tanam tebu tepi bibir, ye.tebu entah kemana, mulut bau busuk~

Pembakaran sampah jangan terbuka,
Asap kotor di mana-mana,
Masa bercinta manis belaka,
Bila berkahwin serba tak kena.

~kahwin? tanggungjawab yang bukan kecil. hadapi dengan tabah bagi yang sedang menikmatinya. bagi yang belum seperti saya, sabarlah ya. masanya akan tiba~

saya mahu tidur. moga mimpi indah lagi.

.time for a change.

2009-04-29T19:29:00.006+08:00

‘Dost thou love life? Then waste not time; for time is the stuff that life is made of’

Benjamin Franklin

we keep reminding ourselves of time. time wakes us when we sleeps soundly. time rings a bell when we fly to high. time motivates us to achieve our own dreams. and time kills when we are not aware of it. we keep saying to ourselves:

‘argh. Menyesalnya tak belajar sungguh-sungguh. Kalau tak, mesti dapat result lagi gempak’

‘eei. Napela aku tak pilih course tu dulu. Kalau tak, tak dela menyesal sekarang’.

‘napela aku tak bukak buku group counseling isnin lepas. Kalau tak, mesti dapat cover banyak chapter.tension!’

hmm. we are surrounded by time. as the quote taken by Benjamin franklin. time is the stuff that life is made of. we always regret of past things and without realizing it, we blame TIME as if it is the reason or cause for everythinbg. i would be very happy if i can travel through a time capsule; and see what my life would be in future if time is taken for granted. so, I would not waste my time as what I usually do. but there is no such thing as that.

time flies. time is not gold. we can buy gold at kedai emas ke apa ke. but, time is precious than gold. time is what we are made of. If we know how to use time wisely, insyaAllah we will lead a better life. time is ours. its time for a change.

p/s: banyak lagi theories aku tak baca nie, kalau la aku bukak buku hari tue..stress!! ahaks~

.mr greedy.

2009-04-29T01:38:00.005+08:00

hallo mr greedy,

you eat too much for today. kuey teow hongkong, chicken burger with cheese, milo ice and sirau limau ice for your dinner. look at you belly now? how big it is?

"the weather is too hot now. day and night. feel like sun totally above me!! miss the abg burger near my house. the desire in unbearable. need to buy one. and kuey teow? just want to have a taste of it. nothing much. i finish everything"

~ bila manusia lapar kalau boleh rumput dan daun pun nak makan. sesal dahulu pendapatan sesal kemudian tidak berguna. tamak haloba rakan syaitan~

.more than words.

2009-04-28T23:07:00.009+08:00

time: 8.30pm
venue: bilik panas

seingat aku baru pagi tadi aku karang puisi airmata, tiba-tiba malam ini aku pula berendam air mata. terlalu deras air yang mengalir sampai aku rasa mesti penuh satu baldi kalau ditadah. baju aku lencun dibasahi peluh.aduhh, perit betul aku rasa. sampai naik sesak hidung dan anak tekak. tapi aku percaya airmata itu berbaloi.

aku selalu marah kepada siapa yang bercakap tanpa befikir. sedap betul cakap apa mereka suka tanpa meneka apa perasaan mereka yang mendengarnya. tapi, aku juga buat benda yang sama. lebih parah, bila kita lukakan insan yang kita sayang~ibu.ayah.kakak.abang. dan si dia.

bak kata Pujangga:"Berfikir sejenak, merenung masa lalu adalah permulaan yang baik untuk bertindak."

manusia tidak akan pernah sedar dan tahu kelemahan diri selagi tidak menoleh ke belakang. bagi aku, kata-katalah perisai dan pembunuh manusia. terlajak perahu boleh di undur, terlajak kata buruk padahnya. ni lah padah yang aku terima. menangis sampai bengkak mata.

p/s: hati saya untuk kamu.

.puisi airmata.

2009-04-28T12:14:00.008+08:00

nukilan: nurfarhananasri

airmata

penghilang duka

pengubat jiwa

pembawa lara

tapi

gelisah dan resah merenggut hati

jangan ia jatuh lagi

~ish.entah apa2 entah. mood swing sana sini ~

p/s: penulis blog nyanyian hujan jika terbaca puisi tidak seberapa ini, harap tidak keberatan menulis komentar ye. hehe

.for us to ponder.

2009-04-28T05:19:00.007+08:00

time: almost 5.30 am.
must not sleep or else, my subuh prayer alamatnya bye2 la..
so i googled in the net and found this..

“Cinta itu suci, cinta itu tidak buta, cinta itu kepunyaan Tuhan….. Yang tidak suci dan buta itu adalah orang yang salah menggunakannya…. cinta itu ibarat peperangan mudah dimulai dan sulit diakhiri….”(HAMKA)

for us to ponder..

.missing adelaide.

2009-04-28T03:34:00.008+08:00

adelaide airport, australia.. MAS airlines. leaving Malaysia..sobsob

how beautiful the scenary, huh? can you get this in Malaysia?

seeing is beleiving. a rainbow just in front of my house. damn beautiful!!

18 ozone parade.. 1001 memories-sweet and bitter! for those who know about it credit for you..

far away from you..huhuhu

memories in adelaide.. syukur alhamdulillah akhirnya dapat juga berhijrah ke negara orang..

insyaAllah kalau ada rezeki aku nak sambung master di sana..terima kasih kepada uitm kerana memberi peluang ini..

skemakan..

ahaks~

fanatic?

2009-04-28T02:34:00.003+08:00

hmm.
have you ever feel so in love with something? perhaps your most favorite movie, songs from your favourite singer or story books that can make you laugh and cry at the same time? have you ever feel like killing yourself if the desire is not fulfill?

i have. i am so in love with INTAN! hey, im not a lesbian. but i am now totally hook up with indonesian sinetron-Intan. it makes my life crazy. i could not stop from watching the drama (dat i hv download from the youtube) almost everyday! it makes me smile, cry, angry and stress! but i still jeopardise my sleep just because of it. i even ask my friends to call me by the name intan..
huhuhu. what have you done to me? fanatic am i?

it is not wrong to be fanatic to something or someone. but please please do not do something that can hurt you and your loved ones just because of your lunatic desire, kan? like people who go to a concert, gigs, football match or what not would rather die if they fail to meet their favourite ones.. that is what i call the fanatic loser..sigh~

people. if you do not have something to be so fanatic about, maybe you should find one.
it is worth it, especially when you are too stress and tension with exam papers that are so damn hard!!

p/s: intan is currently shown at Astro Prima every 11.00 pm. jangan lupa siaran ulangan jam 4.00pm setiap hari isnin hingga jumaat ok.

selamat menonton=)

.the first step.

2009-04-28T00:38:00.003+08:00

hallo..

salam. this is my first new entry for the blog. huhuhu. I have never thought that I would create my own blog - it has never come accross my mind. seeing others blogging, reading others posts, giggling and criticising trigger me to make such attempt. Honestly, I am too far behind my friends who have earlier posted their blogs..shame on me! but, it is never too late to start something new, right?

ahaks~

so enjoy my piece of thoughts ok?

=)